There is something that has been on my mind a lot lately and that is multi-generational housing. This makes so much sense to me due to the high cost of housing in our state. Though I think there may be some stigma on the concept because we are raised to go out on our own when we turn 18 or graduate college. But think how  much better off the entire family would be if we all stuck together and all contributed to one household. Now there are definite drawbacks to this idea. The one that pops out first to me is a lack of privacy. Everyone would be in everyone’s business all of the time and that could get difficult. With that being said, I think there is a way to get around this. If the home has multiple levels, a walkout basement or a configuration that allows for individual areas, this really could be a win/win for all involved. And here is why.

Starting out, many of us want our own place so that we can live life on our terms. It’s an experience that helps us grow into adults. The thought of moving back in with mom and/or dad is rather torturous, especially if it is back into your old room. It feels almost insulting at that 
point. Even when it would have been in my best interest I refused. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. The one thing that finally changed my mind was when I wanted to buy my first house. I had been married about a year and felt the need for some security and roots, so I agreed to move home for 6 months in order to save enough for a down payment and then we were out of there. It worked and we had our first home just 6 months later.

Fast forward 20 years. My father passed away and mom was by herself in the house. All of the grandkids had tons of activities and we were all so busy that we just didn’t have time to go spend several hours a few times a week with her anymore. Now when I was a teenager, I promised her that when it was time, she would come live with me because I couldn’t see her going into a nursing home or assisted living facility. This is something she wanted to do for her mother but never had the opportunity, so I knew this was important to her. The time had come and she was lonely. We started looking at homes that would better accommodate this type of living situation because even though I was 40, I still didn’t want mom telling me what to do!Headstrong...you bet!

The process of finding a home that would work took some time. We looked at tri-levels where she could have the lower level, we could have the upstairs and the main area would be communal. The drawback was the stairs and her older dog. We thought about installing a chair lift for her but that didn’t help the old dog. We then started looking at ranch style homes that had a split plan and a basement. This ended up being ideal for us. The master was on one side of the living room and there were two bedrooms on the other side. We took the master, she took the other two rooms so she could still have her sewing room and she had her own bathroom. The basement had the additional bedrooms and family room so the older kids could have room to be teens without there being too much rambunctiousness upstairs making her nervous. It was a perfect fit.

Now the benefits. I went to a part time working situation so that I could take her to doctor appointments and spend time with her. In return, she kicked in financially to offset this and to help with added grocery and utility needs. She was at home when school was out so no more worrying about the kids after school. I was home more so the house cleaning and laundry didn’t all have to be done after working a long day or on the weekends. We had so much more time to enjoy life. Stress was almost non-existent...well as non-existent as it can be with pre-teens and a grandma with special health needs. It  just makes me wonder if all of the benefits out weigh the negative of not having our privacy if we can still maintain a certain amount of space. It was an ideal situation.

Then there are the ‘what if’s’. What if we had done this sooner? How much better off financially would we all have been? Would our retirement have been on better track? Would the house be paid off? Would the kid’s childhood been more nurturing if they never had to go to daycare in a stranger’s home? She lived with us for 10 years before we lost her and I can’t say enough good about the experience.

Let’s take a look at life now. How can this experience benefit my current family dynamics? Well, our house is different now and we are expecting our first grandchild (who by the way will be named after mom because of how much my kids loved grandma). Plus, our oldest son has moved back in with us. So, we are looking at our own multi-generational home again. We have a tri-level home with an unfinished basement. Surely there is a way to make this work.

In my mind the first thing to consider is the baby and to be perfectly honest, I don’t want to be woke up 4-5 times per night with a crying baby. Not that I don’t already love her but I am still trying to catch up on all the sleep my boys took from me and I rather like waking up when I want to! That means the basement will be the parents and new baby domain....3 floors down from my bedroom. Privacy for both. That leaves what to do with the oldest son who has been in the basement and will have to give up some of his privacy if we have him move to one of the rooms upstairs. It doesn’t seem fair to ask this of him. I am thinking we can take the garden level and make a room there for him. Of course, that means the pool table that the original owner put there in 1971 will have to be either relocated to another room or someone else’s home. That’s doable. And there would need to be a wall and closet built. Again, that’s doable. 

Everyone is on their own floor, with their privacy. There are 3 household incomes so no one is struggling.
There are 5 adults that can chip in and watch the new addition so that she doesn’t have to experience daycare. Our pets are never left alone and if someone goes on a vacation, there is always someone here to take care of things. Everyone’s savings and retirement can grow because there is only one mortgage, not three. I really can’t see a downside to this.

Is this a positive shift in our culture that is becoming necessary because of the high-priced housing market? Perhaps but what a great solution too! What are your thoughts on this? Do you have an experience, good or bad, you could share? I would love to hear from you!